To My Rapist!
You’ve turned my body into a burden I’m unable to bear.
I said no, you said yes;
I said stop, but you progressed.
I grabbed your arm,
you squeezed my breasts.
I cried for help,
but you salivated in your potential conquest.
Your demons were stronger than the angel I had present;
familiarity does not mean my resistance was a playful consent.
My body gave up and my soul fled the scene,
toxic immobility, you had a temporary victory.
Pistol cocked and locked, you forced your way inside
and ravaged my sanctuary.
where do I go now that my home is a cemetery?
Where do I go now that these walls are stained with the filth of your presence?
You were here and your markings are everywhere,
etched into my skin, it’s your stench I swear.
I bathed for hours to wash you away,
but you stuck like the night which precedes the day.
Yes, you were here, but I am still here too,
and now it’s time to wish you Adieu.
This burden I will not accept
and your demons I reject.
The road to healing will be long and arduous,
but my victory you will regret.
You did not win today,
you lost your morality, integrity, and your humanity.
I will not forget how to laugh,
I will not forget how to feel,
I will not forget how to heal.
I will grow, I will thrive and I will live,
because my happiness was not for you to take not to give.
You have committed a grave sin against women,
your mother, your sister, your daughter.
you cunning butcher, it’s us you slaughter.
Your soul is complicity and you are guilty as charged;
your spirit must be restless because you are a criminal at large.
You steal identities, you steal bodies,
you steal the very thing that life embodies.
I pray you find the peace you thought you took from me
because I’m not your victim
and you did not conquer my being.
I will remove your scent from every room
and change the sheets on each bed.
I will scrub the walls,
spread the drapes,
and drive your darkness away.
This is my home.
This is my body
and this is my soul.
Rapist, you did not break me.
I’m still whole.
By Bakoni Gong Wol Ngeny
South Sudanese Poet and college Student currently
pursuing a degree in Information Technology in Sudan.